The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
