he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
