How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
