What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
