I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
