my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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