eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Terrible idea I love it
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
