you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
