I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
