Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
