I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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