Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
