I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
