she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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