Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
