you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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