We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
