1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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