We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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