Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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