1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
