oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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