dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
