She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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