a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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