Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
