I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
