Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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