My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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