i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
