Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
