I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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