Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
