wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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