you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
