last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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