too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
