the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize