I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
