You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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