Plan B is the new Plan A
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
