if i can run in heels then i can drive
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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