Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
