i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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