I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
