she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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