I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
