am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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