You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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