so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
