hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
