it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
