im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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