After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm way too hungover for life right now
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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